I Just Failed, scoring 90%...

Nice guys finish last, It doesn't pay to be nice. I used to not believe in that, I used to enjoy being last if it meant that it would make ppl smile. But now, I no longer want to be the clown anymore. The clown makes everyone smile, but deep down, who knows if he is crying, struggling thru life like this?

I know... I just scored 90% and failed... It's so familiar, last 10% determines everything. And it implicates my hopes, my dreamz and my beliefs. All doesn't hold anymore, everything crumbled in the blink of an eye. Right now I'm juz clinging on to the small part of my World that's called my family.

I cried last nite... The nite that I noe I failed... The same day I bought a pendant for her... Everything is predetermined in life, there's no need to fight so hard my frens who are reading this. In the end, what counts is the last 10% that's predetermined in life. I am not going to fight my fate already, let it be. If I can still make ppl smile, so be it. If I cannot, it's not going to be my problem anymore. I can't even care about myself, much less others.

My life sux. How do I convince myself that everything can be changed? How can I tell ppl to believe in themselves, when I dun even believe in what I am anymore? Nice, Sincere, Sacrificial and Being A Better Man... All these are bullshit. It's no use, it's the spark that's everything. I dun have it and I dunno how to get it. My life really sux to the core, I've lost all meaning in life already, to love and to love ppl as myself.

She doesn't understand, how can I still be able to build another world like this? There's no longer anything to build with. I cannot bear to see another world crumbling like this anymore. I suppose my end would not be too far away, the only meaning in life left is to care care of my parents. When they can finally rest, it would also signal the time I leave, unless a meaning in life approaches me. But I doubt so, since she knows what she wants and it's not me; I know what I want and it's her.

Remember:
No Point Being Nice
No Point Being Sincere
No Point Doing So Many Things
No Point Being Better

No Point.... Being myself...
Yangming