Dear Blog...

My recent days are filled with sadness and fear. It's been a long time already since I felt this. Maybe it's due to stress, maybe it's not but then I do know that this has not really been a great week for me. It's been a long time since I cried and slept and woke up and still felt like crying. Yes I know... I'm a guy... but what the heck. Physical pain do not do me even 1% of the damage emotional pain does.

I feel lost. Feel that I'm still very much a passer by in other ppl's life. Soon, my road with her shall come to a checkpoint, to a fork. Whether we still continue to walk in the same path, I dunno. If yes, well and good cos I get to grow along with her. If no, I would wish her all the best and hope our paths cross again in a later part of our lives.

I finally realise and understand that I'm actually meant to be alone. That hug which would heal and replenish me would never come. And I should not hope so much for it anymore, rather I should plan for other things which would have the same effect and move on.

I must be strong and accept this fact. And I should continue being me; give unconditionally and expect nothing back. For, If there is no expectations, there would be no disappointments.

Now to psycho myself that if she's happy, I will be happy too. Think it's the only way for me to rediscover my motivation. Because, the passerby in life will never have that "spark", that "10%" that I'm destined not to have with anybody. I have many frens who provide warmth around my heart and for that I'm very thankful. But the inside of my heart is all emptiness, and I shall have to contend with that cold vacuum by myself.

I will try my very bestest never ever to give up on myself. I dun need ppl to pity me, even if it means that no one will ever warm the inside of my heart.

Finding it tough,
To walk this treacherous path.
To Love it may be bound,
But now only loneliness can be found.

Let no one pity,
My heart which is empty.
For the Passer by in Life
Shall continue to Thrive and Survive.

...... by himself,
Yangming